I have been brought up as a messy girl. Messy, messy girl. That messiness within me is still present, and evident in my room. So whoever wants to visit my room, you just have to read this post before coming, ok?
Right now, I have to ciao to meet some NZ friends. I really want to tell them, "Look, I am really out of money, my dad only gave me cukup cukup untuk makan, it's either you pay me for transportation and food or you just go yourself".
Unfortunately, I don't have the heart to say it. If only they can understand!!!!
Unfortunately again, visitors always expect SOMEONE to guide them. Always.
Unfortunately again and again, if I don't help them fillah, I'm the one who'll be jeapordized.
In Akhirat.
Everything for keredhaan-Mu. Ameen.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Of reflections, the present and wonders.
Yknow.. you're actually not aware that you're changing, be it physically or mentally or even spiritually when you actually take a reflection of yourself.
Boy, I don't know how.. but almost everytime after my prayers, I would start sitting quietly and flashback of events that happened in my life come naturally and sequentially too. A skill that's certainly needed to write those reflection essays in Year 12 (Oh boy, don't get me started :P)
But I don't think that's enough to see yourself changing. As for me, another thing that helps is to look at your old friends, friends whom now you have no direct contact, and of whom you actually do not feel that comfortable anymore to be with. Why? Because our purpose of life go against each other; I no longer have the inclination to go towards what they are pursuing in their lives right now as I have so a few years ago.
But some old friends are still cool to be with :) I have just read an old friend's blog, discovered by chance. She still is bubbly and funny as she was 4 years ago and the good thing about her is she somewhat realizes her responsibility as a person and ultimately as a Muslim. Somewhat. I wish I could stay with her and tell her everything that I know, and I'm sure she'll 'wake up' with wide opened eyes. But sadly, I myself am still new.. hmm.. it's not an obstacle, is it?
Malaysia is just way too corrupted for me to live in right now. It's either I'd isolate myself from people and even my family (which is a very unhealthy thing to do) or hanyut dalam arus kemaksiatan and kejahilan and whatnot.
Umat akhir zaman. That's what we can call ourselves. My God, You've given me the light- I am most aware of why I'm here. Tapi terdayakah aku untuk memperjuangkan agamaMu?
Boy, I don't know how.. but almost everytime after my prayers, I would start sitting quietly and flashback of events that happened in my life come naturally and sequentially too. A skill that's certainly needed to write those reflection essays in Year 12 (Oh boy, don't get me started :P)
But I don't think that's enough to see yourself changing. As for me, another thing that helps is to look at your old friends, friends whom now you have no direct contact, and of whom you actually do not feel that comfortable anymore to be with. Why? Because our purpose of life go against each other; I no longer have the inclination to go towards what they are pursuing in their lives right now as I have so a few years ago.
But some old friends are still cool to be with :) I have just read an old friend's blog, discovered by chance. She still is bubbly and funny as she was 4 years ago and the good thing about her is she somewhat realizes her responsibility as a person and ultimately as a Muslim. Somewhat. I wish I could stay with her and tell her everything that I know, and I'm sure she'll 'wake up' with wide opened eyes. But sadly, I myself am still new.. hmm.. it's not an obstacle, is it?
Malaysia is just way too corrupted for me to live in right now. It's either I'd isolate myself from people and even my family (which is a very unhealthy thing to do) or hanyut dalam arus kemaksiatan and kejahilan and whatnot.
Umat akhir zaman. That's what we can call ourselves. My God, You've given me the light- I am most aware of why I'm here. Tapi terdayakah aku untuk memperjuangkan agamaMu?
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
from being a sad caterpillar to a happy buttafly :)
Salam :)
I've been going through some emotional turmoil for the past whole week but Alhamdulillah I'm now back on track again, I think. The funny thing was that my overcoming the feeling of sorrow, confusion, disturbance and uncertainty happened just after I've eaten 'my food', after been having to depend on others to feed me for 1 week.
I guess I couldn't seperate myself from fresh fruits and veggies, if not, I shall face some serious consequences physically and especially mentally. Now that I've loaded myself with all these yummies, I can't help myself feeling so much more elated and ultimately HAPPY!!!!!!!! :D And surprisingly, by God's will, some positive aura is coming out from my body. Heehee.
Wooooopeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! :D
I've been going through some emotional turmoil for the past whole week but Alhamdulillah I'm now back on track again, I think. The funny thing was that my overcoming the feeling of sorrow, confusion, disturbance and uncertainty happened just after I've eaten 'my food', after been having to depend on others to feed me for 1 week.
I guess I couldn't seperate myself from fresh fruits and veggies, if not, I shall face some serious consequences physically and especially mentally. Now that I've loaded myself with all these yummies, I can't help myself feeling so much more elated and ultimately HAPPY!!!!!!!! :D And surprisingly, by God's will, some positive aura is coming out from my body. Heehee.
Wooooopeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! :D
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