Overconfidence has its price to pay...
That is, unexpected or opposite things will happen that will then diminish your too highly confidence aura.
I've learnt my lesson.
'Nuff said.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Mak, saya nak kahwin (Part II)
Heh, where was Part I? from my past blog.. too bad if you haven't read that.. I've deleted it. Along with my friendster account.
Yes, I now officially told my mom that I wanted to get married. That was 2 weeks ago, when she also said that she needed time to think and ask my whole family especially my grandma.
2 weeks later, as in yesterday, I called her up again. She actually ignored what was brought up 2 weeks ago! Haha...seriously. Didn't expect my mom to be like this. Well of course I asked her..and she just laughed. Yes, laughed. She said, "No Eleanor, you're too young.. Marriage is a big responsibility you have to face, it'll give you more problems, blablabla..."
Right.
I can't blame them for saying no anyway because the last time they saw me, I was still a young kid...immature. I accept my mom's refusal because of that. They're not convinced that I am able to get married. I was not to argue, because if I were them, I would think the same thing too.
So let's just wait til I get back... Maybe they can see me for who I am and then evaluate my capability of getting married. I don't know myself either; I thought I can get married ASAP, but that's just my own thought. Considering other people's opinion is the way to go, yknow?
But if they can just understand how desperate I am (hehe), not really in terms of having a husband, but how desperate I am to kill off the inclination (hawa nafsu) towards guys, which will then lead to my own destruction because of the 'fitnah hati'. If they could only know how desperate I am for a need of a human companion (for, the best companion is certainly Allah :) at times when my work is really taking its toll...
No, mom, I cannot have a boyfriend because that's the last thing I'd ever do. Sorry, scratch that last bit. That is the thing that I am never going to do. Why? Simple. It's haraam. Yes, now you know. If you happen to read my blog, you'd know. Huhu. But nevertheless, I think I've told you before..have I? yeah well.
Ahh... the single life. Allah knows best :)
Yes, I now officially told my mom that I wanted to get married. That was 2 weeks ago, when she also said that she needed time to think and ask my whole family especially my grandma.
2 weeks later, as in yesterday, I called her up again. She actually ignored what was brought up 2 weeks ago! Haha...seriously. Didn't expect my mom to be like this. Well of course I asked her..and she just laughed. Yes, laughed. She said, "No Eleanor, you're too young.. Marriage is a big responsibility you have to face, it'll give you more problems, blablabla..."
Right.
I can't blame them for saying no anyway because the last time they saw me, I was still a young kid...immature. I accept my mom's refusal because of that. They're not convinced that I am able to get married. I was not to argue, because if I were them, I would think the same thing too.
So let's just wait til I get back... Maybe they can see me for who I am and then evaluate my capability of getting married. I don't know myself either; I thought I can get married ASAP, but that's just my own thought. Considering other people's opinion is the way to go, yknow?
But if they can just understand how desperate I am (hehe), not really in terms of having a husband, but how desperate I am to kill off the inclination (hawa nafsu) towards guys, which will then lead to my own destruction because of the 'fitnah hati'. If they could only know how desperate I am for a need of a human companion (for, the best companion is certainly Allah :) at times when my work is really taking its toll...
No, mom, I cannot have a boyfriend because that's the last thing I'd ever do. Sorry, scratch that last bit. That is the thing that I am never going to do. Why? Simple. It's haraam. Yes, now you know. If you happen to read my blog, you'd know. Huhu. But nevertheless, I think I've told you before..have I? yeah well.
Ahh... the single life. Allah knows best :)
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Keep on smiling and staring at me. Then I'd be stronger, ya think?
Salam...
Do I have to say something important every time I blog? Ideally, yes.
Realisitically, no.
But realizing that I might be wasting my time with talking nonsense here while my housemates are working their brain off at school work, I may as well join them. But then again, I need some time off of work. To chill out, yknow? Reading the qur'an is something nice... or some useful book.. hey, that's not such a bad idea :)
But before I go, I would like to reiterate (to myself actually, well to you too if you want to listen) that life is full of challenges. Externally, and internally. I've suffered a lot from yesterday....like, a lot of internal chaos that's happening, within me.
To stand up for myself as a muslim woman among the kaafiruns, more specifically, male kaafiruns, is just hard. 4 hours of enduring the test is really something. Not to smile excessively, not to laugh, etc etc.. man, this is how I am.. and to repress my natural characteristics in front of them for 4 hours is just hooo... (btw, the 4 hours is my lab time, and apparently I'm the only female among those who are in my bench)
The thing is, if those guys (well not all, but a few of them) treat me normally, or more favorably, how other guys treat muslim women (ignoring them is one method..respecting them is another), then I wouldn't be writing and telling you this. But, by Allah's will, they are more challenging than I thought: staring and smiling sweetly..as if there are no girls wearing mini skirts to eye flirt with, talking bout benda2 lagha ("so, what kind of music do you like?" (????!!!!!)), touching (???!!!!!! tp berlapik la, but hello) and berkerumuning around me. There, how contradicting it is to my belief, can you imagine??? 4 hours?????????????? amidst doing laborious lab work??? Sigh.
But all things happen for a reason huh :) Masa itulah Allah nak menguji aku punya tahap perlawanan nafsu, and melawan bisikan syaitan. If I was weaker, I could have joined them, and talked to them some more, and even ask them out. In other words, become cheap. Melayan hawa nafsu.
When I encounter this kind of situation next time...I don't think I have even the time to layan it. I have better things to do. Like saving this world from evil and mental corruption (I am serious).
And I thank God I stayed strong.
Do I have to say something important every time I blog? Ideally, yes.
Realisitically, no.
But realizing that I might be wasting my time with talking nonsense here while my housemates are working their brain off at school work, I may as well join them. But then again, I need some time off of work. To chill out, yknow? Reading the qur'an is something nice... or some useful book.. hey, that's not such a bad idea :)
But before I go, I would like to reiterate (to myself actually, well to you too if you want to listen) that life is full of challenges. Externally, and internally. I've suffered a lot from yesterday....like, a lot of internal chaos that's happening, within me.
To stand up for myself as a muslim woman among the kaafiruns, more specifically, male kaafiruns, is just hard. 4 hours of enduring the test is really something. Not to smile excessively, not to laugh, etc etc.. man, this is how I am.. and to repress my natural characteristics in front of them for 4 hours is just hooo... (btw, the 4 hours is my lab time, and apparently I'm the only female among those who are in my bench)
The thing is, if those guys (well not all, but a few of them) treat me normally, or more favorably, how other guys treat muslim women (ignoring them is one method..respecting them is another), then I wouldn't be writing and telling you this. But, by Allah's will, they are more challenging than I thought: staring and smiling sweetly..as if there are no girls wearing mini skirts to eye flirt with, talking bout benda2 lagha ("so, what kind of music do you like?" (????!!!!!)), touching (???!!!!!! tp berlapik la, but hello) and berkerumuning around me. There, how contradicting it is to my belief, can you imagine??? 4 hours?????????????? amidst doing laborious lab work??? Sigh.
But all things happen for a reason huh :) Masa itulah Allah nak menguji aku punya tahap perlawanan nafsu, and melawan bisikan syaitan. If I was weaker, I could have joined them, and talked to them some more, and even ask them out. In other words, become cheap. Melayan hawa nafsu.
When I encounter this kind of situation next time...I don't think I have even the time to layan it. I have better things to do. Like saving this world from evil and mental corruption (I am serious).
And I thank God I stayed strong.
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