Exam. Argh.

Salam.

Before I begin with the topic of my post today, I would like to put up a post-blog regarding marriage (see 'Emak, saya mahu kahwin'). Many people say it's got something to do with a mental disease called the 21 year old syndrome..well I don't know how true that is, but I can tell you that it hit me and it hit me bad.

Until just now.

After my subuh prayer, I was asking myself...Am i really prepared to be married anyway? I mean, sure you would get the thrills of having some guy with you but really, what about the responsibilities, which are far heavier than what I have now?

What responsibilities?

Well, obviously, you would want to have a child. But that's just the later part (come on, I'm still studying here?) or perhaps you can get one straight away if you're working or something. Right? (I don't know...see? I'm still uncertain about this !)

Hmm.. prolly you would have to put up more with your suami, if he's like, yknow.. demanding. And I don't mean just that ok.

So I guess I'm not trueely ready for this. I don't think. Or is it syaitan who's whispering to me now?

But the best part is that (in sarcastic manner), I forgot whose LOVE is the greatest of them all. I broke down to tears because I actually forgot that that His is. For all this while I've been busy wanting love from others when I FORGOT that Allah showers His love to me ALL the time. All. the. time.

Subhanallah, Ya Allah... Ampunilah kelalaian ku...

................


Ok, well now back to my exam story. Now that I am aware that Allah's with me all the time (^^), it's time to move on.

Well... not it's not really about exam though. To tell you the truth I am not prepared (yeah, so what's new?) for ANY of my exam paper.. and they're held next week. Erk.

What is actually happening here? Why am I so incompetent? I feel that I've becoming stupid and stupidier as my education level goes up. It seems like studying is SO foreign to me now. I don't know why.

And the worst part is that I screwed up all of my internal assessments for genetics. I seriously don't get the course. They have like prac tests usually every once in two weeks. Well ok, that's fine. That's normal. But what's not normal is that you don't really know what's gonna come up. It's like a surprise thingy. And even the tutor wants to help us with answering those REALLY TRICKY questions by teaching us some bit before the test starts, it's useless. Almost 100% of time what was being taught would not even be in the test, and if it is, it would be really really vague. And so I end up panicking and become a total loser.

Argh. I don't think I should live my life this way.

It's so hopeless. Would there still be hope for me to PASS this whole course? ;(

Wonderful world :)

O what a wonderful world this would be
if we all open our eyes to see
He is all that we need right now
and we can all come together somewhere...somehow

His door is open no matter who you are
just take the first step, you'll see it's not so far
Down this road that holds all the answers
open you heart to something greater

His holy book speaks pure and true
and always tells us what we must do
His Last Prophet was sent as a guide
an example by which we abide

There is salvation for those who seek
to find the one and only source of peace
An understanding of why we are here
who created us, who we must fear

O what a wonderful world this would be
if we all open our eyes to see
He is all that we need right now
and we can all come together somewhere...somehow

Such different people from different lands
were all descendants of the first man
We can be one nation facing one God
with no hatred, no envy, no war

Created equal are you and I
which of his favours can we ever deny
We may have everything or nothing at all
but our purpose lies with this call

To worship Him, to praise Him all day
onto the straight path, lets not go astray
He is the Greatest and Most Merciful
and everything acts upon his will

O what a wonderful world this would be
if we all open our eyes to see
He is all that we need right now
and we can all come together somewhere...somehow

Like every sunrise that brings forth each day
brings new meaning, new hope, a new way
Such is the blessing bestowed upon us
every hardship and heartache will pass

From the mountains to the deep blue sea
everything in perfect harmony
and as the stars fill the evening sky
without us sensing, life is passing by

So if you want a solution, my friend
seize this moment, this day before it ends
turn to Him, don't you see it's so clear?
believe in Allah, He's always near :)


'Wonderful World', Zain Bhikha featuring Dawud Wharnsby Ali