Exam. Argh.

Salam.

Before I begin with the topic of my post today, I would like to put up a post-blog regarding marriage (see 'Emak, saya mahu kahwin'). Many people say it's got something to do with a mental disease called the 21 year old syndrome..well I don't know how true that is, but I can tell you that it hit me and it hit me bad.

Until just now.

After my subuh prayer, I was asking myself...Am i really prepared to be married anyway? I mean, sure you would get the thrills of having some guy with you but really, what about the responsibilities, which are far heavier than what I have now?

What responsibilities?

Well, obviously, you would want to have a child. But that's just the later part (come on, I'm still studying here?) or perhaps you can get one straight away if you're working or something. Right? (I don't know...see? I'm still uncertain about this !)

Hmm.. prolly you would have to put up more with your suami, if he's like, yknow.. demanding. And I don't mean just that ok.

So I guess I'm not trueely ready for this. I don't think. Or is it syaitan who's whispering to me now?

But the best part is that (in sarcastic manner), I forgot whose LOVE is the greatest of them all. I broke down to tears because I actually forgot that that His is. For all this while I've been busy wanting love from others when I FORGOT that Allah showers His love to me ALL the time. All. the. time.

Subhanallah, Ya Allah... Ampunilah kelalaian ku...

................


Ok, well now back to my exam story. Now that I am aware that Allah's with me all the time (^^), it's time to move on.

Well... not it's not really about exam though. To tell you the truth I am not prepared (yeah, so what's new?) for ANY of my exam paper.. and they're held next week. Erk.

What is actually happening here? Why am I so incompetent? I feel that I've becoming stupid and stupidier as my education level goes up. It seems like studying is SO foreign to me now. I don't know why.

And the worst part is that I screwed up all of my internal assessments for genetics. I seriously don't get the course. They have like prac tests usually every once in two weeks. Well ok, that's fine. That's normal. But what's not normal is that you don't really know what's gonna come up. It's like a surprise thingy. And even the tutor wants to help us with answering those REALLY TRICKY questions by teaching us some bit before the test starts, it's useless. Almost 100% of time what was being taught would not even be in the test, and if it is, it would be really really vague. And so I end up panicking and become a total loser.

Argh. I don't think I should live my life this way.

It's so hopeless. Would there still be hope for me to PASS this whole course? ;(