Am I racist?

Salam (and no, it's not Salams or Salamz or whatever else you want to call it because it won't bring you the meaning of 'peace', got me?)

I can laugh at myself by looking at how silly I was when I talked to a Westerner compared to one of an Asian descent.

Just a few minutes ago, I encountered with one of my housemate's friend who happened to be from China and familiar sets of conversation kicked in (just like so, so, so many times before this that it's now worthless to tell my mother that her upbringing has made me speaking 'non-Malaysian-seasoned' English):

'So how long have you been living here, Eleanor?'

'Oh, almost two years now :)'

'Oh! But how come your English is good?'

Aaack. People really need to wake up and see that not all people from the same country are the same. And that whilst my enunciation and pronounciation in English is good, I am slow in constructing a concise English sentence; therefore, my overall English would not be as good as you think it may be. And besides, who am I compared to those people whose English are flawless? (Hehe, just to remind myself :)

But the funny thing is when I start talking to a native English speaker, I'd be struggling to find words, and then letting them think that I don't know how to speak English properly would be the easiest thing to do! Argh. I guess such behavior occurs because when I start to become aware of what I say and how I say it, and then it all becomes kucar-kacir. I only can speak naturally when I am myself natural. Period.

Just a thing that bothers me right now is that the level of awareness in speaking English depends on what type of people I encounter. In other words, which race he or she is. Does this make me racist?

I THINK SO!

Oh nooooo!!! I cannot let this happen. Astarghfirullah.

But yknow, in the end, it's actually how I treat these people (strangers, non-Muslims) which matter. The respect and attention I give should be the same for all of them. That's how I can gain my rewards from the All-seeing and All-hearing, God Almighty.

Whom is also All Knowing :) LOVE You.